Saturday, 20 October 2007

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  December 24, 1989 - October 17, 2007.
  

  rest in peace, kelly nicole kimbrell. i'm sure you are, you freaking hippie. you were too young. i just wish i had a chance to apologize. a chance to change this. a chance to do more with you, to spend more time with you before you had to leave us. it's just so unfair, so untimely, so wrong, so completely impossible to believe. you are all i can think about now. everywhere i look in my room, there is something just screaming your name. my pirate flag from the OBX that you have a matching one, my bamboo plant (man you loved bamboo), the women's restroom sign from first citizens (your mom would have choked us if she knew about that!), the stop sign, the cheetah print comforter you always made your little bed with. my family guy dvds, because we watched them way too much... especially that one episode, "death is a bitch." the robot magnet guy you gave me. the "feeling lucky?" and "assume the position" magnets we got at spencer's. game boy. mario. the two vases full of dried flowers, that you taught me the basic principle for how to do that - just to hang them upside down somehow. i remember convincing people you were my twin (idiots), parasailing together, my messed up toe and the fact that you were able to laugh at how disgusting it was with me instead of being grossed out - especially while we were at the beach. stencils, spraypaint, car paint. going to mcmillan park at night time before many people knew about it. "MUFFIN SHIT!" starbucks. postsecret. running up the down escalator in the mall, and amanda falling, and that lady coming on the intercom and saying, "ladies. please get off the escalator." talking about how we'd have a duplex together one day, away from anybody to tell us what to do, and sitting in the various jacuzzis at home depot the day you got your car, discussing the fact that we were going to have the biggest one we could find when we got our own place...

  

  ...that damned clemson summer camp, where we were miserable, and you got in trouble just because you wouldn't eat tuna so they tried to make you clean the lobby area... but of course, stubborn you wouldn't do that. making those like 50 sticky notes that said peppy/happy things about pepto bismol and covering the dorm's bathroom mirror in them, scaring all the other girls in the middle of the night by clawing their doors, and smacking our soaking wet jeans from the FORCED game of dodgeball (in the rain) against the walls because all the blue dye ran down the wall and made a mess that someone else had to clean up. we were miserable, but what i wouldn't give to have that week with you back because we were in it together. that one time you walked all the way to my house, and we were all so worried about where you had been for a whole hour. the spring break vacation to the keys, because even though my parents thought we hated it we talked about how beautiful it was and i am so grateful now that you were the one i took with me because i will always have those memories with you, and those pictures, from the only real vacation i've ever been on. and it was spent with you, kelly kimbrell-y...

  

  

  

  ...i could go on and on and on just like this, and not be done typing for weeks on end. no one will read this, but it is all so special to me. no one could ever understand how i feel... you were the best friend i ever had, and it is killing me and ripping me apart that this is what it took to show me that. i fall asleep every night thinking that i am going to wake up and none of this will be real... just a dream, or a sick sick joke... but it's not. this is a living nightmare, and i don't know what to do with myself. i know that deep down in your heart, you knew that i still loved you. i honestly feel like despite everything that has happened over the past year, you were secretly still my best friend in my heart, and i can only hope you felt the same. this is a life changing experience - i will never be the same. i hope that wherever you are, you can see us and see how much everyone cares about you. i hope that you will see the garden we are going to make for you, kellyflower, and that you will see the weeping willow i am planting in my back yard for you and that you will love it. this situation has affected more lives than anyone would have expected. it is heartwarming (as much as anything could be under these circumstances) to see how many people care and want to help all of us that knew you and cared about you, and i know that this will be a massive lesson in many ways for a hell of a lot of people. you aren't just that quiet girl that everyone only knows as "the girl that wore those pink glasses all the time in seventh grade," or the very quiet girl that they don't know much about, much less ever talk about... you are the talk of spartanburg county now, babygirl. i love you, and i miss you terribly...

  

   

   

  i would also like to thank everyone for all of your phone calls, emails/messages, and text messages of support. even if i have not replied, know that this is a very hectic and chaotic time for me but i really do appreciate everything. when i went to work thursday night, the first thing i did was get a fortune cookie. i ate the cookie (because kelly and i always said you gotta eat the cookie before you read the fortune), and i read my fortune. it was a very touching moment, because my fortune read, "you will always be surrounded by friends when you need them." it was very good timing, and very true. i guess i somewhat forgot how many friends i had, and how much good nature even strangers have when they know you are suffering and going through a difficult time. thank you all so, so much...

   

   

  i especially want to thank robert, samantha, and jam. you guys have really been my support, my rocks, my back bone these past few days. i hate to think where i'd be if you weren't there for me. i am so fucking lucky to have you all. i love you.

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